“Hey, Gram! Fat Russell here, takin’ a break from being a pet superhero in Spencerville, playing fetch, scarfing down delish Corned Beef at Pup-Tizers & battling the dreaded ear cleaner, Earl. Main goal? Dodgin’ Chihuahua Castle pool. Damn thing’s scarier than a vacuum! Keeping the peace, one Cheesesteak at a time. Love, Russ 🐾”

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“Listen here, I ain’t your typical superhero, some might even say I’m slightly… plumper than your average one, but hey, don’t knock the rotund, it’s good for morale. Fat Russell, name’s got quite the ring to it, don’t you think?

Here in idyllic Spencerville, life is, eh, not as dead as the humans think. We’re waiting, sure, but we ain’t idle. No sir, we embrace life, or the afterlife if you prefer, with chins held high, and when you’re as stocky as me, well that’s a feat!

After a ripping game of fetch in East Bulldog Bay – yes, with my blue Frisbee, how did you guess? – my pals and I, Fenway and Spencer and Millie and Wrigley, we trundle down to Pup-Tizers. An establishment that offers divine Corned Beef and Philly Cheesesteaks, a rarer combination than cats and water.

You have your Avengers, well, we’re the Pet Avengers, the chubby quartet on guard duty. Occasionally, the five of us, we have these tug-of-war bouts, mighty battles of strength and… all right, fine, it’s basically a fun game that brings out the neighborhood.

Our main enemy you ask? It ain’t Loki or Hydro-man, no siree, it’s Ear-clean-Earl. The guy’s got a freaky idea that all our ears need cleaning every day. Almost as terrifying as that devil contraption, the vacuum cleaner.

Listen, I’m an amiable bulldog, not a water dog, understand? The sight of that man-made lake at Chihuahua Castle? It makes my skin crawl. As things stand, the battle is me against the pool. Not that I’m petrified, just… aesthetically challenged.

In between the games, the food delights, and the mock battles, there’s plenty of satisfaction in keeping Spencerville safe. Take it from me, Fat Russell, there’s no better place for a dog when it’s his time to hang up his collar. But until the day I see my humans again, you bet I’m gonna keep the Spencerville pet community safe, one Philly Cheesesteak at a time.”

The End.

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