Hey Mom, it’s your favorite superhero, Bat. Just solved another mystery – Bubba lost his treats again, turns out they were having an existential crisis. Persuaded them to stick around after a bit of negotiation. As always, saving Spencerville, one treat at a time. Love, Batman.

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Huskies, Greyhounds, Boxers, they all form a part of that tapestry of Spencerville, my own charming, laughable, impossible community. We are, you might say, like characters straight out of a Nora Ephron story though I should think she’d better stay out of our narrative. My name is Batman, the Brindle Brown Boxer. Drop by the beach named after us, Boxers, and you will most likely find me. It is not often you find a storytelling, investigative dog, but hold on. This is the Pet X-Files.

Why am I a hero, you ask, nonplussed by the mention of Pet X-files? Well, there was that little adventure of mine. A rather peculiar thing happened regarding Bubba’s daily treat from ‘Ruff-n-Ready.’ Now, Bubba, he’s my chap, my greyhound mate. Has a habit of losing things, doesn’t he? It almost boggles the mind how a fine fellow like him can be so careless.

One day, Bubba came to me all frazzled. “Batman,” he whimpered, his droopy eyes mirroring his distress. “I lost it again, I swear it ain’t my fault!” He had managed to misplace his cheesy bone treat for the third time in a week. Clearly, an investigation was called for, and he knew that there was no Boxer for it like me.

Determined, I donned on my detective hat, which always sits lopsided. I made my way from the white balconies of our favorite restaurant to the park where we often frolic. I questioned the kitties in ‘Tail Waggers’, cross-examined bakers at ‘The Woofy Bakery.’ I must say, I did have my work cut out for me. After all, we do live in a town that magically hides broccoli from my line of sight.

The answer, fellow petizens, came as a shock. It turned out Bubba’s cheesy bones were not disappearing but were having a go at an existential crisis. The treats selected by Bubba were simply not happy being chewed upon by someone so disorganized. Persuaded the treats that Bubba means well, and they agreed to stick around. We rewarded them, visitors from another dimension, with their own little corner at ‘Sniff ‘n’ Snack.’

Suffice to say, it was quite some excitement. Investigating paranormal activities isn’t something every pet gets to do, you know. But I’m Batman. Solving mysteries is my bread and butter. Or should I say, my juicy steak and fries?

Oh well, another anecdote for my memoirs. After all, what kind of a pet darling would I be if I didn’t provide you with stories to regale around the community? Time for me now to catch up on my sunbathing, maybe tumble around a bit with my cat buddy. Until the next scoop, ta-ta from Batman, the pet detective.

The End.

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