Hey Mom, just starring as the doggy James Bond in “The Pet Bachelor: Pawsburg Edition”! Wooed Duchess the Great Dane, reminisced with Sarge the bulldog, and got sniffin’ with Whimsy the Shepherd. Picked Sarge for his lake comedy—what a night! You’ve got a celeb pup in the family now 😉 Woof! 🐾 – Mr. Man

The sun had just dipped below the horizon, painting the sky in pastel shades that looked like they belonged on a doggy treat package. Of course, the humans were none the wiser—presumably Netflix-binging or squared away asleep—but in Pawsburg, we had better plans. Specifically, yours truly, Tozer, was gearing up for something fantastically fabulous.

Tonight was the premiere of “The Pet Bachelor: Pawsburg Edition,” and good old Tozer was the star. I’d swapped my signature Tonka Tire Tug Toy for a snazzy bow tie, adding a touch of class to my rugged charm. If you’re imagining a bulldog in formal wear channeling James Bond minus the martini, you’re spot on.

My first suitor of the night was Duchess, the Black and White Great Dane who looked like she walked straight off a couture runway. “Tozer, darling!” she cooed as she padded over to Garnet Greyhound Grove, the coziest part of Pawsburg.

“Duchess, you look splendid,” I replied, hoping she didn’t notice the French fry bits clinging to my whiskers from pre-show munching. We loped over to Pup’s Paella, where the menu for the evening featured gourmet dog kibble arranged in the shape of a bone. Duchess regaled me with tales of her adventures in Duck Pond Alley, where she’d once cornered three ducks and only let them go after they’d quacked out Bach’s Brandenburg Concerto No. 3.

After bidding Duchess an ever-so-genteel farewell, next came Sarge, the brown English bulldog, a direct descendant of Winston Churchill’s spirit if ever there was one. Together, we moseyed over to Bloodhound Bluffs, the part of town that always felt cloaked in mystique with its winding paths and misty air.

“Oh, Sarge, always a pleasure!” I barked, marvelling at his military-like stride. “Fancy a trek around the lake?”

We meandered to the lake, my absolute favorite spot, and as the moon cast its silvery glow over the water, we reminisced about our puppyhood. To an outsider, it might seem bromantic rather than romantic, but who was keeping tabs? All I knew was that Sarge’s anecdotes about the legendary Lake Frisbee Competition had me in stitches.

On the program’s penultimate date, I encountered Whimsy, a sprightly Australian Shepherd whose eyes mirrored the shifting colors of the lake at dusk. “Heard there’s a new treat at Fetch! Toys and Treats,” she chirped.

“Fetch! I’m game,” I replied, eyes twinkling but carefully sidestepping any mention of rain—one never knows when it’ll jinx an otherwise perfect evening. As we perused the aisles, sniffing out delectable morsels and durable goodies, Whimsy dazzled with her knack for sniffing out all the toys with secret compartments. I found myself fascinated by her acumen and the mysterious layers beneath her wooly exterior.

Finally, the moment arrived. The “Make that Choice” segment where we gathered at Woof and Whisker Wellness Center. My head swirled with apprehension, anticipation, and the delightful scent of leftover breakfast bacon wafting from the nearby Paw-lickin’ Pancakes.

Duchess, Sarge, and Whimsy stood before me with bated breath, their eyes locked on mine. It was as if I’d consumed an espresso shot of canine excitement, my robust frame trembling slightly. I scanned their faces, memories of the evening—from laughter to lakeside strolls, from clever puzzles to mischievous quacks—rushing over me.

With regal calmness (okay, my tail might’ve wagged offbeat), I announced, “Sarge, your Comedic Caper at the lake was unmatchable.” Duchess gave a gracious nod before striding off, whiskers quivering.

As I locked eyes with Sarge and Whimsy, a new adventure was just beginning. Because in Pawsburg, love, laughter, and a dash of grilled chicken treats made any tale worth tail-wagging.

And so, dear reader, the dog days may be ordinary—but in Pawsburg, they’re extraordinary.

The End.