Hey Mom! You’ll be happy to know I’ve been a pretty good boy. I’ve been helping my human sniff out clues in our neighborhood mystery and even saved a cat from a tree! Feeling pretty pawsome about it all. Hope you’re proud.

Love, Peases Pies

Chapter 5: The Great Goldfish Heist of Affenpinscher Avenue

Ah, where must I begin? It was a fine night, earbuds tucked securely into Mom’s ears as her human snores rivaled a symphony orchestra. The opportune moment had arrived to sneak off under the cloak of darkness to Pawsburg, our fantastical canine sanctuary. Mind you, getting through the front door is no mean feat when you’re an American Pocket Bully with a figure as svelte and toned as mine but privileges of my small stature. With a little jiggle here and a little wriggle there, I was off!

To those not acquainted, I am Squeeze, a quite muscular creature wrapped in a coat of tan and gifted with the most fetching green eyes. Friends call me Peases Pies, and, by Jupiter, do I live up to the festive implication of that nickname. Unquestionably playful, loyal, and curious, I’m the de facto sheriff of Pawsburg—not by election but by sheer force of personality, you understand.

Now, our plot unfolds on Affenpinscher Avenue, betwixt the sundry establishments that build the lifeblood of our community. It was a clandestine operation, the kind that gets tails a-wagging and noses twitching. A rumor had breezed through that Beagle Bagels had a secret stock of Goldfish Crackers, my undisputed favorite indulgence, next to a slab of Filet Mignon, of course. With my comrades—Gracie the Westie, George the other Westie, Carmen the Pug, Deedge the Chocolate Lab, and the ever-faithful Sammie the German Shepherd—we formed a merry little band of bandits.

We began our journey from the enchanting Opal Pomeranian Park with the moon tracing our shadows like a cosmic searchlight, illuminating our quest as it painted silver edges around our forms. As we trotted along, I couldn’t help reflecting on how the labyrinthine layout of Pawsburg often mirrored the complexities of our own canine psyches. Chestnut Cocker Courtyard wafted aromas of Pup’s Paella, but alas, we were hounds on a mission; our noses must resist distraction!

Upon reaching Affenpinscher Avenue, we saw Beagle Bagels bright and inviting, the scrumptious aromas curling through the night air and tweaking our already heightened senses. “Ahem, Peases Pies,” barked Carmen, her pug eyes twinkling like onyx, “How do you propose we breach this fortress?”

“Simple, my dear detective,” I declared, my head held high. “Gracie, George—one of you distract the store clerk with a request for Butter Bark Bagels. Deedge, Sammie, make ready to pounce at my signal. Carmen, you and I will infiltrate through the back.”

And “hey presto,” our plan was set into motion! Gracie and George waltzed into Beagle Bagels, their high-pitched banter convincing the clerk of a most urgent culinary indecision. Meanwhile, Carmen and I snuck around the back, the shadows our blushing accomplices. With a quick snout nudge and a wiggle of the hips, the back door was ajar.

Inside, the treasure glimmered—rows upon rows of Goldfish Crackers, tucked away with promises of epicurean delight. Oh, sweet celestial biscuit of elation! As Carmen kept lookout, I leapt and nudged a box to the floor where Deedge and Sammie stood ready with open jowls.

Our operation should have been seamless, a whisper executed under the radar. But just then, the vacuum cleaner roared to life, a dastardly contraption no dog with a grain of self-preservation could stand. With hardly a muffled yelp, we bolted, laden with our crispy loot.

Later, under the sheltering boughs of Opal Pomeranian Park, we collapsed into delightful disarray, the moon our only witness. “Good show, Peases Pies,” panted Sammie, his eyes reflecting the satisfaction we all felt.

Our humans would never know of this nocturnal epic, but they would wonder, without doubt, why we seemed so content and sluggish in the morning.

Ah, but a dog must keep her secrets, as well as her snacks, and they, indeed, fit both tails easily beneath my ever-wagging, adventurous spirit.