Hey Mom,

You won’t believe it – Pawsburgh turned into a scene from a sci-fi movie today! Had to trade my usual meaty treats for a detective’s cap as Jupiter and I sniffed out a bizarre alien invasion at our training center. Clothes flying, squeaky toys moaning, and a mystery that could only be solved by our paws. We’re on a mission to save our town’s sacred grass from extraterrestrial sludge. Call me Little Gavone, but I’ve never felt more like a hero. 😎

Hugs and tail wags,
Bernie

Listen to the story here

I had awakened with a stretch, one that pulled me to the length of my sausage shape—a routine as familiar to me as the ticking of the kitchen clock, and equally as comforting. Or, it should have been. Today the stretch was strained, not quite snapping back with my usual verve. It was a silent forewarning of the twisted caper that was about to unfold under the spun-sugar skies of Pawsburgh.

My schedule was as drilled in as the habit of barking at that insipid mail carrier, a dance we’ve spun around each other till it became our cantankerous tango. But today, as I trotted through the gate of Setter Shore, there was an undercurrent of something squirrely, and I don’t mean the chase-worthy, fluffy-tailed kind.

Something was amiss.

The peculiar stench bombarded me first—a rancid cross between wet dog and expired chicken giblets, enough to make my normally decorous tail curl in distaste. I was bound for Canine Kabobs, lured by dreams of grilled delicacies, but this was not the sizzle of seasoned meats.

Jupiter’s mellow gaze found mine from across the way. “You smell it, too?”

I nodded, my detective’s instinct already twitching like my nose at carrot’s cringe-worthy crunch. His canine glance told me everything; we weren’t in for the usual romp through the park.

Affenpinscher Avenue was unusually deserted as we paced toward the source of the foul odor—our paws slapped against the cobblestone with the gravity of gritty noir heroes. I wondered if Dukie and George, conspirators in shenanigans past, felt the eerie pull of the unfamiliar that had now descended upon our quaint town like a thick fog.

We approached what was normally our sanctum of refinement, The Pawfect Training Center, and it was there at the heart of learning tricks and manners, we encountered the derangement.

A green glow spilled from the windows, and a low, guttural moaning reverberated against my eardrums. I glanced at Jupiter, and our shared sentiment was as palpable as the dread that began to congeal around us.

“Shall we?” he barked, an intrepid soldier readying for the trenches.

Side by side, we stepped in—and chaos reigned.

In the midst of our once-orderly Pawfect Training Center was a swirling vortex of lime light, as hypnotic as it was horrifying. Canine Couture attires whisked by, caught in the gravitational lunacy, while the moans I sensed were the wails of squeaky toys spun into the abyss.

George burst in, hair a wild testament of a recent dumpster dive. “What the bark is happening, mates?”

I had no answer. This was far beyond our earthly ken. This required us to dig deeper than a bone stash.

“Alien invasion,” I intoned with uncharacteristic graveness, half-expecting Mulder and Scully to pop in with flashlights and deadpan deliveries. My hound dog heart knew this was our Pawsburgh’s X-File, shrouded in mystery and the stench of unconsumed kabobs.

We knew only one place for refuge: Spitz Spire. We took off, our paws a blur of fear-tinged gallantry, only to grind to a halt as Setter’s Steakhouse came into view. The emerald of Pawsburg Park was no more; instead, an extraterrestrial ooze seeped across its grass.

Jupiter turned to me, his question heavy. “What do we do, Bernie?”

Glancing at my mates, dauntless despite soiled coats and wary whiskers, I made a decision. If Pawsburgh was to be returned to its former glory, it was up to us, the very guardians of its tucked-away secrets. It was time for justice, served not with knives and forks at our favorite haunts but with canine cunning and the valor that ran in our veins.

After all, an unexplained phenomenon was just an unsolved case. And Bernie was on it.

The End.