“Psst! Little Man here. Had quite a day fighting off a broccoli (gross!) monster threatening our lovely Pawsburg. Aided by brave Doug and crafty Lamb Chop, lured the green disaster into the Golden Retriever River. Emerge as town hero. Scored succulent chicken dinner. Until next scent trail, over and out!”

Listen to the story here

Better brace yourself, because you’re in for quite a tale. The scene opens at the crack of dawn in Pawsburg, a place poised at the top of Baxter’s favorite locations, right next to his mother’s warmth and the comfy corner with Lamb chop.

I was taking my morning walk to the Golden Retriever River, casting long shadows under the expansive Pawsburg sky. It was one of those rare mornings when even my one good eye had a sparkle that could rival those of the stars above me. Then it hit me: a faint, unpleasant…no, abhorrent smell wafting in the air. My eyes narrowed — well, eye, technically. As the scent got stronger, I quickly identified it. Ew, Broccoli!

Scanning the horizon, my one eye widened in horror, I spotted it at the Golden Gate Gardens. An enormous, gelatinous broccoli monster, towering over the picturesque town. Us dogs were up for a real disaster!

Using all my doggy senses, I did what was only natural to my kind: I ran towards The Howling Husky Hardware Store. Tucked away behind a pile of wrenches and hammers, I was on the floor whimpering, all my calm demeanor washed away in the tsunami of fear. You can’t expect bravery when the evil villain in your story is your worst nightmare. I mean, come on! A broccoli monster? Whoever heard of such a thing!

Just when self-pity consumed me, a voice rang out, “Baxter, you whiner, we got bigger bones to bury.” It was my best friend, Doug. His tongue dangling, his eyes squinted as if he was thinking of some master plan to save Pawsburg from the leafy monster. Oh, Doug! Who knew a St. Bernard could have such good comedic timing?

Together, we gathered the town dogs and made a plan at Pup-Tastic Pizza. After all, brainstorming on an empty stomach would have been a disaster. Painful as it was, we needed to lure the monster away from Pawsburg. And, who better for the job than my best friend ‘Lamb Chop’. Yes, the eccentricities of Pawsburg, you’ll never quite grasp.

With Lamb Chop acting as bait attached to a drone from The Howling Husky Hardware, we managed to lure the green monstrosity away from Pawsburg and all the way to Golden Retriever River. It took a plunge, and thankfully, broccolis aren’t known for their swimming capacities—in Pawsburg or on earth.

At last, all was well. The comical disaster turned into an epic, if slightly bizarre, adventure. The party at K9 Kebabs later that night was historic, down to the impeccably dressed canines from the Canine Couture Clothing store. I was the toast of the evening, the hero of Pawsburg—just a regular day for the gallant Baxter.

So, that was my day, crazy, chaotic, and oddly fulfilling. Almost as satisfying as a prime chicken dinner after a day-long fast. Oh, wait, did somebody just say chicken? Time for me to leave. Until next time folks, yours waggingly, Baxter the courageous, the endearing, the champion from Pawsburg with a tale that continues to wag.

The End.